This past July marked twenty years since the last time I me and the wife last had vaginal sex.
It was July 2006, while cowgirl with my cock in her ass, my wife looked at me and just asked, "Do you care if we just do anal from now on?" We didn't plan it that way, and there was no ceremony about it. We just never went back. Twenty years on, neither of us has the slightest desire to, and that is the part that still surprises me when I stop to think about it.
Add it up and it comes to 35 years of anal sex, the first 15 of those with vaginal "foreplay" that got shorter and shorter until we were only putting it in her vagina for about a minute out of a sense of obligation. The last 20 have been anal only, and we still have anal sex just about every day. We're both in our mid fifties. Nothing has worn out, nothing has gotten old, and nothing has gotten boring.
People assume there's a ceiling on this. That after a few years you've seen everything there is to see and you're just going through the motions. That has not been our experience at all. Even after 35 years of having anal sex, the last 20 of them exclusively, we still discover new things. A different angle, a different rhythm, a different way of talking to each other in the middle of it. We've had years where we chased numbers — the year we went for 365 and blew past it by mid-July — and years where we just settled into the daily habit of it. Both were good. It only gets better. I know how that sounds to somebody two months in and still figuring out lube, but it's true.
The question I get most often is some version of "don't you miss it?" The honest answer is no, and I'd have said the same thing ten years ago. What we miss is the time we wasted having vaginal sex.
Here's what anal only actually did for us, and it wasn't just the sex. When vaginal sex is off the table, there's no decision to make every time. No wondering whether tonight is an anal night or not. It's anal, because that's what we do. My wife says the commitment is what freed her - freed her from the feeling that she should be having vaginal sex, that she was somehow shortchanging me, that people would think she was strange. She had 30 years of conditioning telling her only having anal sex wasn't normal. It all changed when she just admitted what she wanted, what she needed.
Once she was free of it, her libido went up, not down. She gets off harder and more often from anal than she ever did vaginally, and mostly without any clitoral help at all. Our frequency went up, not down. The intimacy went through the roof. There is a closeness that comes from being the only place your husband finishes, and it is not a small thing.
So here's the part where I nag. If you're in a relationship and already having anal most of the time, and your wife or girlfriend enjoys it, tell her what you want. She almost certainly already knows; she's probably been waiting for you to say it so she can stop pretending. Even if she doesn't jump at it, she'll know your desire and she'll know she's free to choose it later. My wife asked me, not the other way around, and we both regret that it took 15 years for one of us to open our mouths. If we'd talked about it five years earlier, we'd be celebrating 25 right now instead of 20.
If you're just starting, ask for a month. Thirty days, no vaginal, no exceptions. And in that month, do it as often as you possibly can. Target at least every other day (more if you're both up to it) - never let more than three days go by between. Three times a week is the floor, not the goal. Frequency is what does the work here. It's what gets her past the soreness, it's what teaches her body to open up and relax instead of tensing, and it's what turns anal from an occasional event that results in days of soreness every time into a habit, where frequency pushes beyond the soreness and leads to the muscle memory that allows frequent, pleasurable anal sex every time. By day 30 she'll know what her body can actually do, and you'll both stop thinking of anal as the special occasion. In my experience, most couples who complete this 30 day anal only challenge go on to practicing anal only in the long term.
Twenty years in, my wife and I are having the best sex of our lives and more of it than we did at 30. While her friends bemoan their lack of sex and non-existent orgasms, my wife is getting off on anal almost every day. I'm grateful to her every single day for making the suggestion, and to all of you here who've kept the light on for the people still on the fence.
Here's to the next twenty.
LuvMyWifesAss
