Saturday, February 2, 2013

Reader Letter: Substitute Anal for Vaginal?

An anonymous reader recently sent me this:

"I have a question or two that I haven't found the answers to here or anywhere else. My wife unable to have vaginal sex at all do to severe medical complications, a situation which has put extreme strain on our marriage. Is it possible that anal sex would make a satisfactory substitute in our relations?  Two issues really concern me. Is it really possible for women to genuinely enjoy anal sex? As I don't want her to be suffering, but to be able to look forward to sex as much as she used to. The other question is if so will she want to or be able to have sex as often as she likes?"
I sincerely believe anal sex is the answer you and your wife have been looking for. I don't think that you'll think of it as a substitute for vaginal sex, but as something even more intimate.  Anal sex requires more trust, and that you be in tune with one another's bodies more so than vaginal sex.

I can assure you that, properly introduced, your wife can enjoy anal sex even more than she did vaginal sex.  Once her body adjusts, she will be able to have anal sex as often as the two of you would like.  My wife and I have exclusively had anal sex three to five times a week for over six years now.  Prior to that, we usually started with vaginal sex then ended with anal.  In our 22 years of marriage, we've had far more anal sex than vaginal because we find it far more intimate and enjoyable.

Please keep me updated and let me know if you need any advice on introducing anal to her and helping her adjust.

LuvMyWifesAss
 

14 comments:

  1. Just give it a go man you've got nothing to lose.

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  2. After a difficult delivery of our second child vaginal sex was uncomfortable for my wife. We had anal sex about once a month for a number of years prior to this. After trying vaginal sex only to find it too uncomfortable we tried anal. Unlike in the past it didn't seem like she was just doing it for me. She had never had an orgasm from anal sex before. This time she did. Now we only have anal sex. She has even said she has no desire to have vaginal sex again.

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  3. Welcome back luvmywifesass. You've been very quiet the last few years. Beginning to worry you'd given up.

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  4. I'd like to let you know that thanks to you putting our minds at ease we've started to have intimate relations once again. We feared needlessly, in fact I more than her because I was reluctant to do anything that could cause her harm. It has taken several weeks for my wife to slowly adjust but overall I think she's just delighted to be able to make love once again. As for myself, I can't believe I never gave this a thought before the situation forced us to consider the alternatives. Who would have thought that anal intercourse could possibly be more pleasurable than the place that nature intended? This is still early days, so we are just beginning to experiment find out what positions are most comfortable and so on. We're hoping very much that you prove right about being able to have sex as often as we like. We are reluctantly keeping our sessions to a couple a week for now, but used to be more active.

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    1. Here we are over a year later and I thought I'd give you an update. We took our lovemaking slow and steady for several months as this was new, we had no idea what to expect and we were naturally cautious given what we had heard about overdoing anal sex. Each time became bit by bit easier for her until now she now is able to be penetrated there with amazing ease, realizing that using plenty of lube was key. We've found no obvious problems using her anus in this way whatsoever, even when resuming more frequent relations. My wife is glad our marriage is back on track and if I'm being completely honest with myself I've found myself enjoying anal sex much more than I even used to when we were able to have vaginal. It's now a very special time for us, and if anything our relationship has never been more happy and content. Thank you so much for your guidance and counsel.

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    2. U might notice that "back door" sex is a little bit tighter than "up front" once your partner has had a few children "open things up" by way of the birth canal. As the saying goes, if it's tight it's really all right ... great even!

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  5. Hey it's a pleasure to hear when another couple make the "discovery". It's a special time because as luvmywifesass says, anal is so much more than just a substitute, but something more intimate. You'll both probably find your love life is actually better than it was before. Don't worry about how often you'll be able to have sex. By all means go easy for the first few weeks, but after that once her sphincter muscles have become used to being stretched a little you'll be able to have sex every day if that's what you're used to.

    You two are actually quite lucky because of the fact that she can't have vaginal sex her body will initially be far more receptive and responsive, and of course you both have a strong incentive to make this work.

    And what's wrong with the thought that anal is more pleasurable than vaginal sex? Sex is about much more than just reproduction. Why would the anus not be part of what "nature intended" as well?

    For you and anyone else who reads this, there is a great deal of disinformation to be found out there. Most of it I suspect propagated by individuals with zero experience (but a lot of hang-ups or other emotional baggage). Also, ignore all the scare stories and supposed medical "facts". The only fact worth bearing in mind is that humans have been having copulating anally for a very long time indeed. It is normal and healthy. Recent research suggests that nearly half of sexually active heterosexual adults have tried, or have often had anal sex. My own personal opinion is that these results are likely quite conservative.

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  6. Loving this topic. Like you i find anal sex to be better than the 'real thing'. Its the perfect substitute for vaginal and has its own special feeling. Much better when shes used to it than with women who just isn't willing.

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    1. Best of all if she (& you of course) can get "hooked" on it .... see the "analonly" sites on giving up on the front passgeway altogether.

      She can also pleasure you with a dildo or strap on device of two ... you can perfect your style if you know just what it's like on the receiving end of things.


      Some sources suggest that before she gives into him, he should receive every anal pleasure & device for a month or two before trying it on her!!! Especially enemas before & after ... often the day or night before.

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    2. It seems (perhaps) that the world should be ready to accept what a good many teenagers have found out (& fond out & delighted over): oral & anal sex not only won't get you pregnant, they are just as much "fun" & stimulation (if not more) that vaginal, butt also can't easily be discovered by your parents. Sounds like a pretty good recommendation!!!

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    3. Right on! Seems like having a choice of one hole for pregnancy & another eager opening for just plain enjoyment works out very well.

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  7. Regarding Exit Only Preference/Desirability/Advantages of Anal Sex: see quotation as follows:

    "When I taught Human Sexuality at De Anza College several years ago, an olive-skinned student approached me and volunteered that as a sixteenth birthday present, his parents sent him to Sicily for the Summer, to get to know his cousins and his cultural roots. His Sicilian cousins, as a sixteenth birthday present, gave him a "date" with a prostitute, considering that he was sexually inexperienced. Although nervous, he responded to her manual ministrations with a fine erection, but when he attempted penetration, she grabbed a handful of lubricant, coated his penis and her butt liberally, flipped over and guided him into her rectum, explaining "I'm a good Catholic girl, and I'm going to be a virgin on my wedding night!" Yes, he penetrated her, had anal intercourse, and ejaculated (with a condom, of course -- this is, after all, a safe sex program!). So: Did he "lose" his virginity? Was the prostitute still a virgin? By the way, readers, I can't make this stuff up."

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  8. How often have we heard that one???? "I'm a good Catholic girl, and I'm going to be a virgin on my wedding night!"

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  9. I found this article several years ago while researching my wife's condition (Vaginismus). Although I kind of laughed it off as a crazy idea at the time, it put the thought in my head that anal sex could serve as an alternative to vaginal sex. After undergoing various treatments from several doctors, and getting no relief for her condition, I told my wife what I read here. She was open to the idea. After a few false starts, I was able to penetrate her (at least partially) with no painful vaginal spasms. This opened the floodgates for us. We both became obsessed with having anal sex. Within a month, not only was I was able to penetrate her fully, she experienced her first orgasm (ever). Within three months, I was able to penetrate her anally, as easily as most couples would vaginally, and without any pain. For us, anal sex is a godsend. Without it we couldn't have a sex life, something we've come to realize is so important to having an intimate relationship. It took me a long time to find this site again, but I really felt like I needed to thank you for helping people understand anal sex can be a perfectly normal alternative (and not just for those with health issues).

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